NFL Fantasy Draft – Backups need lovin’ too

With so many starters being hurt, or just generally being awful (sorry Brian Hoyer, but you ARE also bald…) we thought it was only fair to update our QB rankings

So enjoy the best of the backups!

RANK NAME Why Hottness Rating (Out Of 10)

Michael Vick
Remember when Michael Vick killed a whole bunch of dogs? 0

Luke McCowan
Matt Groening recently revealed the inspiration behind the animation for Cleetus the Slackjawed Yokel. “I’m flattered” Replied McCowan. “My brother Josh is genuinely attractive so its nice to have something to show to my parents and potential suitors.” 1.6

Brendon Weeden
Wasn’t he character killed at the end of the Firefly movie?

He looks more suited to be thanking us for taking the time to listen to his Primerica sales pitch, than a starting QB. Otherwise very average looking.


Ryan Mallet
We find him pretty okay looking. We wouldn’t chew our own arms off in the morning to escape, but we wouldn’t be tagging Jagr style seflies on instagram either. He’s got lovely cheekbones, but in every picture we researched he looks like he was always just finished saying “hey girrrrrrrrrl” 6.7

Jimmy Clausen
Fresh off a Snekkja longship via Tissvassklumptjønnin, Norway, Jimmy Clausen, the Scandinavian Sensation is starting in the place of an injured Jay Cutler. And as far as we know, unlike Cutler, his wife isn’t annoying as hell, so he gets to keep his ranking. 7.2
Matt Cassel


If you ignore his giant mouth, which looks like it could unhinge at any moment and swallow small suckling pig directly off a spit, he’s the best looking of all the backups. A little bit like a younger, buffer Zack Morris.

Sorry ladies. I guess these guys are backups for a reason



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