Rankings

9 reasons to watch the CFL

In Honour of this weekend’s Grey Cup, we thought we’d give the CFL a little loving too
Heres how we rank the QB’s of the North based solely on looks. Which ones fail to go the extra 10 yards and which ones we wouldn’t mind widening the field for.

#9 – Matt Nichols – Winnipeg Blue Bombers (Hotness = 1/10)

Now, we have loads of experience trolling the internet for pictures of men. And we also pride ourselves in being able to find the sexy in everyone (Thanks for the help Tequila!) but this is actually the best picture we could find of Matt Nichols. At least he looks like the kind of guy who’d always offer to help you move

#8 – Ricky Ray – Toronto Argonauts (Hotness = 1.2/10)

nope

#7 – Zach Collaros – Hamilton Ticats (Hotness = 2.5/10)

Now hear us out here. For every picture like the one to the left, there’s another 5 like this one. and this one Are you willing to take that risk?

“oh! Which one is your boyfriend?!”

“… I don’t know 🙁 “

#6 -Brett Smith – Saskatchewan Roughriders (Hotness = 4/10)

Does anyone remember the critically acclaimed, but under appreciated Clone High? At least we know what the cartoon Abe Lincoln is doing now after the show was cancelled.

#5 – Bo Levi Mitchell – Calgary Stampeders (Hotness = 5.5/10)

Though fairly good looking, He loses points simply because is name is Bo which we could never yell either in passion or an argument

#4 – Jonathan Jennings – BC Lions (Hotness = 7.5/10)

We’ll take any excuse to move to the west coast, but Jonathan Jennings would make it even better. He loses a few points for having a very well trimmed beard but messy hair, which is confusing. Why not coif both?

#3 – Henry Burris – Ottawa REDBLACKS (Hotness = 8/10)

WE’LL DO THIS POST IN ALL CAPS TO HONOUR THE GREYCUP BOUND REDBLACKS. SMILIN HANK JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER, BOTH AS A QB AND IN HIS LOOKS.

#2 – Brandon Bridge – Montreal Alouettes (Hotness = 9/10)

Young, Good looking and the only Canadian starting QB in the CFL? We’re getting all rouge-y in the cheeks (get it? CFL Joke)

#1 – Mike Reilly – Edmonton Eskimos (Hotness = 9.5/10)

The main reason we’ll be tuning into the Grey Cup this weekend. And literally the only thing we care about in Edmonton, or “Calgary Jr.”

NFL Fantasy Draft – Backups need lovin’ too

With so many starters being hurt, or just generally being awful (sorry Brian Hoyer, but you ARE also bald…) we thought it was only fair to update our QB rankings

So enjoy the best of the backups!

RANK NAME Why Hottness Rating (Out Of 10)
6

Michael Vick
Remember when Michael Vick killed a whole bunch of dogs? 0
5

Luke McCowan
Matt Groening recently revealed the inspiration behind the animation for Cleetus the Slackjawed Yokel. “I’m flattered” Replied McCowan. “My brother Josh is genuinely attractive so its nice to have something to show to my parents and potential suitors.” 1.6
4

Brendon Weeden
Wasn’t he character killed at the end of the Firefly movie?

He looks more suited to be thanking us for taking the time to listen to his Primerica sales pitch, than a starting QB. Otherwise very average looking.

4.3
3

Ryan Mallet
We find him pretty okay looking. We wouldn’t chew our own arms off in the morning to escape, but we wouldn’t be tagging Jagr style seflies on instagram either. He’s got lovely cheekbones, but in every picture we researched he looks like he was always just finished saying “hey girrrrrrrrrl” 6.7
2

Jimmy Clausen
Fresh off a Snekkja longship via Tissvassklumptjønnin, Norway, Jimmy Clausen, the Scandinavian Sensation is starting in the place of an injured Jay Cutler. And as far as we know, unlike Cutler, his wife isn’t annoying as hell, so he gets to keep his ranking. 7.2
1
Matt Cassel

 

If you ignore his giant mouth, which looks like it could unhinge at any moment and swallow small suckling pig directly off a spit, he’s the best looking of all the backups. A little bit like a younger, buffer Zack Morris.

Sorry ladies. I guess these guys are backups for a reason

8.2