NFL Fantasy Draft – The only list matters
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Looking for an in-depth analysis on the looks of all starting QB’s ranked in order of the relative sexiness? We’ve got you covered. And hopefully them uncovered
| RANK | NAME | Why | Hottness Rating (Out Of 10) |
| 32 |
 Tom Brady |
no.
Because just no. and if you are angry about this please get off this webpage |
0 |
| 31 |
 Brian Hoyer |
Nope. Bald | 0.8 |
| 30 |
 Andy Dalton |
Andy Dalton looks like some one who could have been handsome before he was forced to sacrifice his soul to our ginger overlords | 2 |
| 29 |
 Andrew Luck |
Andrew Luck has a face that could easily have been carved out of a potato.
Or a wheat field |
2.4 |
| 28 |
 Drew Brees |
If Drew Brees were ever to take us out anywhere fancy and he was required to take his helmet off? we might have a problem. | 2.8 |
| 27 |
Ben Roethlisberger
|
We’re just gonna leave this one alone.. | 3 |
| 26 |
 Phillip Rivers |
Does anyone remember Citizen Kane when they were forced to watch it in film class? Remember the part when Orson Wells started to age with the help of Makeup and prostectics? Midway through that process, you’d get Phillip Rivers | 3.2 |
| 25 |
 Colin Kaepernick |
For those familiar with the podcast, we find Colin Kaepernick bares a striking resemblence to a california raisin. Though after watching this video, he’s earned a higher mark for being able to laugh at himself | 3.5 |
| 24 |
 Nick Foles |
Nick looks less like he should be playing football and more like he should be handing us a beach umbrella and telling us how hot it was today. Also his name should be Thad or Chance | 3.7 |
| 23 |
 Carson Palmer |
Carson Palmer couldn’t be anything other than american. If you need a date to next weeks Truckasaurus show, we’re sure he’d be excited to take you.
Also could pass for a Brett Farve imposonator at an off strip casino |
4 |
| 22 |
 Teddy Bridgewater |
Any man with the balls to pull off a bow tie is the tops in our books. Unfortunatley thats all we’re ogling | 4.1 |
| 21 |
 Payton Manning |
You know that friend who you can’t actually tell is good looking or not because they’re so nice and you love them so much as a friend? That’s Payton Manning | 4.2 |
| 20 |
 Matt Stafford |
Great head of hair, but likely already married to his 3rd cousin, Lori | 4.8 |
| 19 |
 Jay Cutler |
We find Jay Cutler to be like the two faced woman from Seinfield and spent the longest analyzing photos of him. In some he looked like he was suffering for the long term affects of Mono, and others he was literally on the cover of GQ. So we split the difference | 5 |
| 18 |
 Jameis Winston |
Landing smack dab in the middle is Jameis Winston. We’re struggling with what to say because he’s so generic looking we doubt we’d be able to describe him even if he was standing right in front of us | 5.2 |
| 17 |
 Eli Manning |
Congratulations on being the better looking Manning brother. But thats like saying congratulations on being the least bovine Kardashian | 5.4 |
| 16 |
 Kirk Cousins |
We think we acciendtially googled Dave Coulier. That’s embarassing | 5.9 |
| 15 |
 Matt Ryan |
He’d treat us right and looks like he could help us with our taxes if we needed it. Vegas has the Over/Under on the amount of polos in his drawers at 12 | 6.3 |
| 14 |
 Blake Bortles |
Speaking of the Kardashians, Blake Bortles kinda looks like that guy who was married to the sex tape one for like, 17 days. You could do a lot better Blake | 6.7 |
| 13 |
 Joe Flacco |
So long as he lets us pluck his unibrown, we wont have a problem here. His steely blue eyes makes up for the fact he has about as much charm as a door stop | 6.9 |
| 12 |
 Marcus Mariota |
He’s tall dark and handsome, plus we could Winter in Hawaii. We know the football season is during the winter, so Marcus would just have to get used to us being apart | 7 |
| 11 |
Aaron Rogers |
Aaron Aaron Aaron…. We’re very biased because we’re just using you to get to Olivia Munn. | 7.2 |
| 10 |
 Josh McCown |
After coming out of retirement at age 42 to fight Josh McCowan, Rocky Balboa – wait. Crap That’s Dolph Lundgren | 7.3 |
| 9 |
 Derek Carr |
Though pretty good looking on his own, we’d mostly be dating Derek Carr to get invited to family reunions and make our move on his brother David | 7.5 |
| 8 |
 Tyrod Taylor |
Great hair, Gorgeous smile, fancy dresser. Currently living in Buffalo? Minus 2 points | 7.8 |
| 7 |
 Tony Romo |
We feel like Tony Romo must cry a lot and we don’t deal well with emotions | 8.1 |
| 6 |
 Ryan Fitzpatrick |
Keep your beard long and speak to us in gaelic and we’ll get along just fine. Did we mention he’s Harvard educated and was voted one of the worlds smartest atheletes? | 8.2 |
| 5 |
 Alex Smith |
Could totally pass for Ryan Gosling if he got us drunk enough first. Buy us a martini and we’ll reenact the notebook. Not the part where the woman dies at the end though (SPOILER). Thats too sad | 8.5 |
| 4 |
 Ryan Tannehill |
Chisled jaw, piercing blue eyes to match his tourquise jersey? PLUS we’d get to live in Miami? You’ve earned this grade Ryan | 8.7 |
| 3 |
 Sam Bradford |
Good looking, southern american charm, and a self professed hockey fanatic. We can even overlook the fact he’s a Canucks fan | 9 |
| 2 |
 Russell Wilson |
A perfect specemin of a human being. Perfect hair and a trusting smile. A little too soft spoken and clearly cant stand up to authority. So he was edged out just slightly by…. | 9.9 |
| 1 |
 Cam Newton |
That Smile. Those Dimples. That hair
and we look amazing in blue. |
10 |
